my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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