hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
