That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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