Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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