Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
