im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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