I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Two words: blizzard sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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