Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
