there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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