I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
