Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
