you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
