absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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