anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
