So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
