the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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