i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
