Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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