DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize