You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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