There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
