Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
