My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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