im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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