remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize