im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
