yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
