Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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