Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
