I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
