I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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