i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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