hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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