so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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