How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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