im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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