I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
