i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
