It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
