If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
