You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
