Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
