i just had sex bonerless
Just cropdusted the office
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
