I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
