His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who died my cat blue again?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
