In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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