fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
