Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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