Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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