We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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