I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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