no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
