If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
where does the pee come out of this thing
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
