i already hear my dad disowning me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
