you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
