This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize