no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
