I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
