remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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