Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
