At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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