I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
