I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
