I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
