mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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