Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
