Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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