just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
