i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
