He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
