uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
