She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
